Dominique Dennery - The Art of Transformation

Coming out of my cocoon after a number of months. Time to share again what is going on with my own transformation. But first, a Very Happy Transformative Year to all!

After 24 months of travelling back and forth between Canada and Sri Lanka, I chose to make Canada my home base this past summer. I must admit that Ottawa in the winter is not my cup of tea, which is why I am currently in West Africa until late January(smile). But what makes my country so special to me is the very rich professional life I have been blessed with, the friends who have always had my back, and my son Adrien whose zest for life brings me so much pleasure and pride. Those things are irreplacable and were sorely missed.

My two years of wandering did change my priorities and created a sense of urgency in working with talented people to help them show up boldly in their lives to make a difference in the wider world. There are multiple reasons to follow the path of ease and least resistance, particularly for those of us who are entering our fifth, sixth, seventh decade. Retirement seems to be opening its fluffy arms... so why the sense of unfinished business, the need to contribute to the positive transformation of planet, why get involved with leaders of all ages?

I have produced a few more podcasts on Transformation. One of them with a wise woman who is refusing to call it quits at seventy, despite the voices all around her telling her she is no longer relevant and should gently retire. Go to my landing page at www.dennery.ca to watch a Dialogue with fiesty Cathy Carmody.

One new development: I am renewing my commitment to my own learning by completing a second certification in Coaching, this time with Erickson College International with a view to getting a designation with the International Coaching Federation --recognized the world over. The 3rd of 5 modules awaits me when I return to sub zero temperatures later this month.

I will keep you posted on other professional and personal developments as they occur... and not six months from now. Promise!

Labels: coaching, personal development, retirement, transformation

Another pattern is emerging through many e-mail conversations. Not enough time to do what we want to do, or even to just be still while we expand our awareness.

I wanted to pass on this exercise I just did for myself to get at what I don't have time for and why. Also wanted to explore, by using myself as a guinea pig, what any of this has to do with transformation!

So if you want to discover what is in the way of what you desire, take a computer or paper and:

List 1) What you make time for and 2) What you don't make time for and wish you did.
A few examples from my life, I make time now for new ventures and for sculpting, but don't make time for exercising or for nurturing some of my relationships.

Next, Take the toughest one on your 'Wish I made time for this' list, and really look at it. By tough I mean the one or two that made you go 'ouch' when you wrote the words down and acknowledged your neglect.

Let's pretend that those are actually the keys to your transformation. You say you care about these endeavours or people, but your behaviours are not aligned with your words and you know it. We do make time for what we care most about. Or do we?

In my case, I had a chat with myself about what I really cared about yet don't make time for, and realized that a number of things on my 'Wish I did' list were guilt items that derived from old beliefs and outmoded values. I also realized that what I paid attention to really blossomed and what I didn't pay attention to was fading - obviously - like my waistline (smile).

What on your 'Wish I did' list is there because you think you should (guilt, obligation, old habits) and what is a real sore point to explore?
Next, for me came the acknowledgement that sore points were tied to a fear, fear of not succeeding, for of the consequences, fear of rejection etc. Fear by another name is fire, the very fuel of transformation. These endeavours or people are where I needed to go to alter past conditioning and experience another way of being. With this insight have come other insights about the way all the activities/people on the two lists are interconnected and weave a path forward. Still processing all this, so I will write more as it comes.

Thanks for your comments on the last blog. Look forward to hearing from you about your own experiments.

Labels: personal growth, quality of life, transformation

In the 1960s, in Haiti, young boys would place caterpillars in matchboxes, one per box, and check regularly on their patient's progress. The cocoon formed and took up more and more space, until one day a butterfly opened her wings and flew into the tropical air. After a few experiments, they would tire of the game, but the miracle never faded from their minds. When asked for his definition of transformation, one of those boys, now in his fifties, conjured up this story to illustrate the difference between evolution and transformation.

What I take away from this story in my line of work as a coach and facilitator is a reminder of the importance of the matchbox phase before any transformation can take place. Without a time out, a period of nothingness, evolution remains possible but not transformation. Evolution suggests incremental change. It occurs in broad daylight, is noticable, explainable, often predictable. Transformation is messy, uncomfortable and happens far from prying eyes. At times, no end seems to be in sight. There are no milestones to celebrate with transformations, while other milestones are often documented in the pictures we take, gifts we give, congratulatory words we convey.

Once transformation has taken place, evolution can be a stabilizing force that welcomes partners, family and friends who are ready to help us shape the new. But, transformation is a lonely process that requires deconstruction and leaves little room for words of reassurance. Lethargy can take over while we slow down to experience our own thoughts and feelings. In the darkened box, we enter a sacred space where we can be reborn.

Our western societies have little patience for a full transformation, and more than a little fear. Family systems, circle of friends, co-workers are not always helpful despite their best intentions, as they try hard to 'protect' us from ourselves.

For one month, I couldn't speak about much, didn't blog, stayed virtually silent on e-mail and other networks. No new idea surfaced for long or led to the usual measurable outputs! I am grateful for the folks who peered into the box and decided it was all right, and I must be percolating again.

As the year begins, I am pushing open the matchbox and breathing in the tropical air as I prepare to take flight once more. I will look for all you fellow transformers on the horizon...

Labels: transformation

Everything that I have been doing over these last ten days --from holding a workshop on New Beginnings with individuals stepping into their own future, to my 17th Diversity Awareness session with employees of one large organization engaged in large-scale transformation, to coaching a young man struggling with his first big job, to being present to a friend with a life threatening illness, to coaching a young woman taking steps to leave the safety of a good job to follow her dream, to engaging with many friends and clients puzzled by the reality they are creating -- everything has one thread in common: the importance of holding a big space, holding a bigger intention for others, and for myself.

There were times this week where instead of helping, I felt I was in the way of others, and in my own way. I lost my sense of purpose for a day, for two. On the third day, I had a conversation with someone I have known for decades, who, given how the universal consciousness seems to work, was going through a version of what I was experiencing. In speaking with this individual I realized that I was stuck in too small a world, the world of what is and isn't working, instead of the world of possibilities. I had forgotten my intention of shaping my life and helping others shape theirs to serve their bigger purpose.

He insisted that what he was dealing with right now was real, and having artificially positive thoughts about his future would not help at all! Of course what we create is real... for us. Of course, our thoughts can be negative and applying make-up to these is not the solution. What you think and feel should be acknowledged... and, it may be time to wonder if there isn't a bigger conversation you need to have with yourself.

What if I framed my experiences in the bigger context of human transformation? What if, by being impatient, angry, confused and teary-eyed, I was transforming, yet again and ready to make different choices that would support the bigger purpose of facilitating human development?

So, I am holding on for dear life to my Intention. Holding on to it when alone or passionately engaged with others. I will remind others of their intention, gently, while staying present to their transformation, at their own pace, in their own time.
Life is meaningless without a purpose that is much fatter than you :-). I have mine. Do you have yours?

Labels: career transition, intention, power of thought, transformation

I have been touring Sri Lanka with my son, rediscovering this Island through his eyes. Much has become familiar to me in the space of a year. He reminds me of what is different about this world, while highlighting for me how human behaviour remains the same in so many ways.

Adrien's senses have been bombarded by new smells, sights, sounds during these last few weeks. Upon returning from an exciting Elephant Safari in Udawalewe National Park yesterday, he just wanted to spend the day curled up in front of the TV set (he says the quality of the English programming is better than what can be found on our North American commercial-ridden channels)to stop the experience and reconnect with what is familiar. He was craving familiar foods and contact with his Canadian friends on Facebook. I completely understand.

What I notice now is that my life on this island has become almost more familiar to me than the life I will be reentering when I fly back to Canada next month. I feel some trepidation about stepping into conversations with colleagues or entering rooms full of people who know more about life in Canada than I do. I have no idea what is playing on the radio, who is the new celebrity, what is giving rise to citizen outrage, what are the latest rumours in the federal public service. The word I want to use is disconnected. Staying with this feeling, I hope to bring some new insights to what I do for a living, i.e. helping people with change and transformation.

I expressed to a dear friend in an e-mail earlier that even though I have used the expression before, I really had no idea what it meant to hang in mid-air, having let go of a trapeze without having yet caught the next one. This new reality of mine is unfamiliar for sure, but not as dramatic as I envisaged when I was on solid ground, paralyzed with the fear of letting go. In the past, every time I let go, I went right back to the familiar. This time, the ground has disappeared under my feet. It just means I will have to grow wings, n'est-ce pas?

Labels: transformation

Today, I am reminded of a conversation I had with my colleague Chris (we are co-writing what we hope will take the shape of a book!) about how when you have changed your outlook or paradigm, there is no going back. Chris saw this as both a positive and negative development. Who wouldn't have trepidations about not being able to go back 'home', wherever home is metaphorically. We talked about people we loved who had attempted to break out of their pattern, only to fall back into the same familiar place -- which can only be described as hell when you have left it for a while! Before we got too depressed, we started musing about ways in which neither of us had gone home and yet, lived to tell the tale.

Since this is my blog, I will speak of not being able to 'go back' in my chosen profession. Can't say it feels comfortable. Actually, it is downright scary! Up to now, my work has grown gingerly along with me. As a result, I have been able to contribute to the well-being of people in organizations, while supporting myself and my family. For this I am forever grateful.

What I realize today, and felt coming for the last year, is that I need to be bolder about my next iteration. While it is still about learning and facilitation, I acknowledge that my endeavours will only feed my soul if I can empower others to fuel their own personal transformation. What I am trying to say is that I want to focus exclusively on people, their lives, their relationships, their creative endeavours, and not on the content of their work. I am leaving to some highly respected colleagues work in process, planning, structures and systems. Also, learning/training in skills that are not related to emotional intelligence and growth. I realize I don't want rooms full of people who don't want to be there. What I am passionate about is helping people help themselves.

When I read what I have written I wonder why, in the moment, it felt like a big shift. It feels quite ordinary now, so I must have crossed the point of no return.

Labels: transformation