Monday, January 17, 2011
The Match Box
In the 1960s, in Haiti, young boys would place caterpillars in matchboxes, one per box, and check regularly on their patient's progress. The cocoon formed and took up more and more space, until one day a butterfly opened her wings and flew into the tropical air. After a few experiments, they would tire of the game, but the miracle never faded from their minds. When asked for his definition of transformation, one of those boys, now in his fifties, conjured up this story to illustrate the difference between evolution and transformation.
What I take away from this story in my line of work as a coach and facilitator is a reminder of the importance of the matchbox phase before any transformation can take place. Without a time out, a period of nothingness, evolution remains possible but not transformation. Evolution suggests incremental change. It occurs in broad daylight, is noticable, explainable, often predictable. Transformation is messy, uncomfortable and happens far from prying eyes. At times, no end seems to be in sight. There are no milestones to celebrate with transformations, while other milestones are often documented in the pictures we take, gifts we give, congratulatory words we convey.
Once transformation has taken place, evolution can be a stabilizing force that welcomes partners, family and friends who are ready to help us shape the new. But, transformation is a lonely process that requires deconstruction and leaves little room for words of reassurance. Lethargy can take over while we slow down to experience our own thoughts and feelings. In the darkened box, we enter a sacred space where we can be reborn.
Our western societies have little patience for a full transformation, and more than a little fear. Family systems, circle of friends, co-workers are not always helpful despite their best intentions, as they try hard to 'protect' us from ourselves.
For one month, I couldn't speak about much, didn't blog, stayed virtually silent on e-mail and other networks. No new idea surfaced for long or led to the usual measurable outputs! I am grateful for the folks who peered into the box and decided it was all right, and I must be percolating again.
As the year begins, I am pushing open the matchbox and breathing in the tropical air as I prepare to take flight once more. I will look for all you fellow transformers on the horizon...
Labels: transformation
// posted by Dominique Dennery @ 11:14 AM 
Comments:
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Great post. Glad to see you back online, and look forward to more...
# posted by 
: January 18, 2011 at 10:20 PM
: January 18, 2011 at 10:20 PM
I loved this blog and can certainly relate... It's not easy to try to shape our fate.
Finding a matchbox can be a challenge these days, and so we are constrained by our current roles and responsibilities...and stay the same. You are right about the fear that others transfer onto us - often that is what we let hold us back and our ideas shame...
When others fear for us more than we fear for ourselves, they provide "sage advice" and we conform...But what we really need is to take the space to allow ourselves to transorm.
We need to take time with ourselves to think, try, and play...or our passion and opportunities of a life-time will simply wash away... Lisa P.
Finding a matchbox can be a challenge these days, and so we are constrained by our current roles and responsibilities...and stay the same. You are right about the fear that others transfer onto us - often that is what we let hold us back and our ideas shame...
When others fear for us more than we fear for ourselves, they provide "sage advice" and we conform...But what we really need is to take the space to allow ourselves to transorm.
We need to take time with ourselves to think, try, and play...or our passion and opportunities of a life-time will simply wash away... Lisa P.
# posted by : January 31, 2011 at 7:42 AM
: January 31, 2011 at 7:42 AM
I especially love the line "in the darkened space we enter a sacred space where we can be reborn"....I have been lying low in Ottawa as well, but hear stirrings "inside the box". Thanks Dominique!
# posted by : February 4, 2011 at 12:01 PM
: February 4, 2011 at 12:01 PM
Mary Lou, looking forward to seeing what you give birth to!
Lisa, yes to all you are saying.... and let's talk about taking that space you need and how you perceive you are held back. What would happen if you started thinking and acting now as if you were already in the desired place where you played, tried different things and lived your passion? No need to change anything, except within yourself, until you are ready to spread those wings. What would that look like and feel like in your present day life? You are probably doing these things now. Growth can't usually be denied!
What if the sage advice was actually coming from within you and showing up through your loved ones who mirror your own need for protection? What resources do you have now that you may not have had in the past to protect you? Where can you provide protection without sacrifying growth?
Thank you for sharing your questions and insights!
Lisa, yes to all you are saying.... and let's talk about taking that space you need and how you perceive you are held back. What would happen if you started thinking and acting now as if you were already in the desired place where you played, tried different things and lived your passion? No need to change anything, except within yourself, until you are ready to spread those wings. What would that look like and feel like in your present day life? You are probably doing these things now. Growth can't usually be denied!
What if the sage advice was actually coming from within you and showing up through your loved ones who mirror your own need for protection? What resources do you have now that you may not have had in the past to protect you? Where can you provide protection without sacrifying growth?
Thank you for sharing your questions and insights!
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