Dominique Dennery - The Art of Transformation

It has been over a month now since I came back from Liberia where I had the wonderful privilege of attending the inauguration of President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Nobel peace prize winner and remarkable stateswoman starting her 2nd term in office. President Sirleaf is in her 7th decade. Now that is what I call aging in style!

I recall sitting under a dais in 90 degree weather, trying to look dignified among the foreign dignitaries, the heads of States, and Hilary Clinton in attendance. The ceremony was progressing ever so slowly and I started to dream of a world where women heads of state would be a common place occurence and where wise women in their 6th and 7th decade made the decisions that impacted our lives on this planet. One of the President's advisors told me at a breakfast meeting the next day that Madam S. had shared with her how she would get so much more done if she had more women in senior posts! Unfortuately, not many were elected.

Working with women in politics here in Canada, I get the same response. Where are the women, why aren't young women entering the fray? One of the main reasons of course is the toll this calling takes on women's personal lives. So...it may be time for mature women to get involved. Mature women tend to have more freedom once the children are gone. Mature women don't care much about what others think of them. Mature women get passionate about what they believe in, and will say it like it is!

So this mature women has decided to become more deliberate about supporting women in Canada, and also in West Africa, where she will be going back to do what she can to make a difference. I was in awe of the big, bold women of Liberia, their victory over tyranny and atrocities, their determination to take control of their lives in challenging conditions. (A picture here with Leymah Gbowee, the other Nobel Peace Prize winner -an extraodinary woman of Pray the Devil Back to Hell fame. The other picture of Madame Sirleaf at the Inauguration).

What excuse do I have to stay on the sidelines. Time to act. My sister Gabriella has just come back from Haïti where she has gotten involved in the Consolation Centre for orphaned girls. Way to go!

Bold women out there, share with me how you are getting involved and making a difference. An inspiration for all of us!

Labels: inspiration, mature women, women

Coming out of my cocoon after a number of months. Time to share again what is going on with my own transformation. But first, a Very Happy Transformative Year to all!

After 24 months of travelling back and forth between Canada and Sri Lanka, I chose to make Canada my home base this past summer. I must admit that Ottawa in the winter is not my cup of tea, which is why I am currently in West Africa until late January(smile). But what makes my country so special to me is the very rich professional life I have been blessed with, the friends who have always had my back, and my son Adrien whose zest for life brings me so much pleasure and pride. Those things are irreplacable and were sorely missed.

My two years of wandering did change my priorities and created a sense of urgency in working with talented people to help them show up boldly in their lives to make a difference in the wider world. There are multiple reasons to follow the path of ease and least resistance, particularly for those of us who are entering our fifth, sixth, seventh decade. Retirement seems to be opening its fluffy arms... so why the sense of unfinished business, the need to contribute to the positive transformation of planet, why get involved with leaders of all ages?

I have produced a few more podcasts on Transformation. One of them with a wise woman who is refusing to call it quits at seventy, despite the voices all around her telling her she is no longer relevant and should gently retire. Go to my landing page at www.dennery.ca to watch a Dialogue with fiesty Cathy Carmody.

One new development: I am renewing my commitment to my own learning by completing a second certification in Coaching, this time with Erickson College International with a view to getting a designation with the International Coaching Federation --recognized the world over. The 3rd of 5 modules awaits me when I return to sub zero temperatures later this month.

I will keep you posted on other professional and personal developments as they occur... and not six months from now. Promise!

Labels: coaching, personal development, retirement, transformation

During the last few weeks I spent in Canada, I had a number of experiences for which I am grateful. These include wonderful coaching moments and energizing group facilitations that leave me wanting more. Now that I am back in Sri Lanka for a while and have time to reflect and write, I wanted to share what I have learned about transformation of individuals within a strong collective. I will focus on one experience that, to me, exemplifies what can happen when a strong collective awakens.

On the first day of this month, I worked with two powerful young women to structure an experience for a group of 30 Young Black Professionals who meet regularly to network and support each other in their personal and professional growth. That evening, the co-hosts and myself facilitated a dialogue that far surpassed in authenticity and depth what I have witnessed in groups where many members are new to each other. I felt I was watching a flower bloom in accelerated motion, and was moved.

As I work on a book project and other creative ventures related to transformation, I want to document what I think contributed to this acceleration, in the hope that this formula can be replicated again and again with other collectives.

After facilitating groups for 20 years, I was always aware of being more optimistic than my clients about what could be accomplished for the team, the community or organization. My expectations for genuine connections in groups were high, and these expectations were most often met. Now, I know that it is possible to create a wave that has more speed and force than I thought possible. Very cool.

I note 4 phases: 1. Setting the tone, which is done by the leaders and starts the process before anyone is in the room. The communications, the invitation, the images, even the space chosen will attract those who need to come to the experience. The intention must be clear and compelling. 2.Facilitating the Opening. Hosts/Facilitators have an important role to play to create and maintain the open space for transformative dialogue. That is where the facilitation experience is invaluable: open questions, self as instrument, dynamic of participation, body language, formats that increase trust and openess. As a facilitator, I have to be an invitation as well as a challenge by helping participants observe Self through other eyes, and by inserting new information that helps expand their awareness. 3. Making room for an in-body experience. There must be time to walk around, eat, connect in duos, trios, breathe deeply, laugh, visualize, meditate. When the intellect is parked for a while, participants are connected to something more raw and spontaneous, and will speak, reveal, decloack more readily. 4. Reinforcing: There is a natural contagion factor in a group that can accelerate the experience for all. Whether one choses to ride the wave quietly, or decloack publicly, each person can contribute to the transformation and help build the momentum for rapid transformation. A sight to behold.

I will write more... soon.

After spending 36 hours straight in airplanes and airport terminals, thinking of nothing except the next comfortable seat for nodding off with my carry-on touching my leg, the next meal that won't give me indigestion, the next washroom, the shortest security lineup, the least surly Customs Officer, I was on automatic pilot. No 'Real Thinking Allowed Here' became the best policy. Beyond knowing which pocket my passport was in, where I hid the boarding pass (and why I can't just put it in the same place every time!), what currency was used and where the volume was on my headset, No Thinking was essential to survival.

Getting settled in the Toronto cold, in the warmth of a friend's home, I turned the ON button and realized I was being assaulted by doubts. These doubts became louder during the long sleepless hours, where night here was daytime for my body.

After eating a series of breakfasts with the members of this three-generation household as they woke up in waves on Family Day, my friend and I started a conversation about our lives. The type of meandering conversation that can be interrupted by the child, the phone, the next meal, and can last for hours. You know, the kind of loosly-knit chatter that has most men shaking their head in puzzlement.

I will leave out the details and focus on what was useful to me and may strike a chord with you.

So the gist of it was the need for Courage to live our best life. By courage, I mean doing what you think is right whether others feel the same or not. Taking one more step forward on a new path, not having a clue where you will end up. Showing up as You, no frills attached. Knowing you can be right and you can be wrong,and moving forward anyway.

Courage is eaten away by Doubt. Doubt is the voice from the Past saying: Who do you think you are? Who are you fooling? What could possibly come of that? Remeber what happened when you took that fork in the road the last time? What if you fail, and worse, what if you fail, again!

Doubt comes in many form. It crawls into the words you hear others say. It permeates your own words. It adds a whine to the songs you play and puts hesitation in your step. Doubt slows you down until you have forgotten who you are and have sunk back into the Old and the Familiar.

Sometimes, for Courage to Slay Doubt, it takes Another or a few Others who refuse to let you shrink. These annoying Others demand that you rise up again, and have the audacity to replay your own words to you! They challenge and provoke you until your lights are on again and somebody is home.

What I love about my life, is that I have coached many folks who are completely awake and expect me to incarnate my own values and beliefs, n'est-ce pas. Over the decades, I have also collected a number of pushy coaches who will ask for more courage rather than the little I sometimes want to get away with. And then, I have a very lucid son and many younger folks who will accept nothing less than authenticity and courage from an elder, i.e. anyone over 40 (smile).

So, it is onward and forward.

What system are you building to shore up your courage when you need it? Would love to see your comments.

Labels: coaching, courage, inner transformation

Another pattern is emerging through many e-mail conversations. Not enough time to do what we want to do, or even to just be still while we expand our awareness.

I wanted to pass on this exercise I just did for myself to get at what I don't have time for and why. Also wanted to explore, by using myself as a guinea pig, what any of this has to do with transformation!

So if you want to discover what is in the way of what you desire, take a computer or paper and:

List 1) What you make time for and 2) What you don't make time for and wish you did.
A few examples from my life, I make time now for new ventures and for sculpting, but don't make time for exercising or for nurturing some of my relationships.

Next, Take the toughest one on your 'Wish I made time for this' list, and really look at it. By tough I mean the one or two that made you go 'ouch' when you wrote the words down and acknowledged your neglect.

Let's pretend that those are actually the keys to your transformation. You say you care about these endeavours or people, but your behaviours are not aligned with your words and you know it. We do make time for what we care most about. Or do we?

In my case, I had a chat with myself about what I really cared about yet don't make time for, and realized that a number of things on my 'Wish I did' list were guilt items that derived from old beliefs and outmoded values. I also realized that what I paid attention to really blossomed and what I didn't pay attention to was fading - obviously - like my waistline (smile).

What on your 'Wish I did' list is there because you think you should (guilt, obligation, old habits) and what is a real sore point to explore?
Next, for me came the acknowledgement that sore points were tied to a fear, fear of not succeeding, for of the consequences, fear of rejection etc. Fear by another name is fire, the very fuel of transformation. These endeavours or people are where I needed to go to alter past conditioning and experience another way of being. With this insight have come other insights about the way all the activities/people on the two lists are interconnected and weave a path forward. Still processing all this, so I will write more as it comes.

Thanks for your comments on the last blog. Look forward to hearing from you about your own experiments.

Labels: personal growth, quality of life, transformation

In the 1960s, in Haiti, young boys would place caterpillars in matchboxes, one per box, and check regularly on their patient's progress. The cocoon formed and took up more and more space, until one day a butterfly opened her wings and flew into the tropical air. After a few experiments, they would tire of the game, but the miracle never faded from their minds. When asked for his definition of transformation, one of those boys, now in his fifties, conjured up this story to illustrate the difference between evolution and transformation.

What I take away from this story in my line of work as a coach and facilitator is a reminder of the importance of the matchbox phase before any transformation can take place. Without a time out, a period of nothingness, evolution remains possible but not transformation. Evolution suggests incremental change. It occurs in broad daylight, is noticable, explainable, often predictable. Transformation is messy, uncomfortable and happens far from prying eyes. At times, no end seems to be in sight. There are no milestones to celebrate with transformations, while other milestones are often documented in the pictures we take, gifts we give, congratulatory words we convey.

Once transformation has taken place, evolution can be a stabilizing force that welcomes partners, family and friends who are ready to help us shape the new. But, transformation is a lonely process that requires deconstruction and leaves little room for words of reassurance. Lethargy can take over while we slow down to experience our own thoughts and feelings. In the darkened box, we enter a sacred space where we can be reborn.

Our western societies have little patience for a full transformation, and more than a little fear. Family systems, circle of friends, co-workers are not always helpful despite their best intentions, as they try hard to 'protect' us from ourselves.

For one month, I couldn't speak about much, didn't blog, stayed virtually silent on e-mail and other networks. No new idea surfaced for long or led to the usual measurable outputs! I am grateful for the folks who peered into the box and decided it was all right, and I must be percolating again.

As the year begins, I am pushing open the matchbox and breathing in the tropical air as I prepare to take flight once more. I will look for all you fellow transformers on the horizon...

Labels: transformation

I feel at peace now, re-entry into Colombo life complete. It has taken me 14 days to take back the mantle of my life here. Why so long this time? I don't know. The last two weeks were spent on automatic pilot, finalizing work with Canada, planting seeds for workshops on both continents, attending official functions while smiling and making polite conversation. I discovered some new faces while renewing acquaintances with many familiar ones at charity functions, volunteer groups, and various get togethers that multiply at this time of the year.

It finally stopped raining here, and the air is warm with tinges of cool in the shade. Anyone arriving now would declare this island to be a slice of paradise. The rains lasted seven weeks unleashing flooding and disease. I missed most of it while in fast forward mode across Canada, barely noticing the first assaults of winter.

I seem to have created superposition in my life, simultaneously experiencing two places, while having the odd sense of belonging to both and neither. I know this is common in people who travel constantly for their work, and realize it alters something fundamental in our perception. Right now I feel less worried, less hurried, more at ease with these two worlds I inhabit. If it's a phase of transition, let's call it the Ripening Phase.

Labels: career transition, change, inner transformation, superposition