Friday, April 16, 2010
Who Is Resisting Change?
It's not about others, is it? The partner who procrastinates, the employee who resists silently, the child who rebels. It's about not being clear enough and resorting to cajoling, whining, nagging or raising your voice by a few dozen decibels. This fact hits me like a brick while reflecting on an e-mail from a friend saying she was ready to explode at her spouse's passive resistance. There are flashbacks of my own personal and business changes, and the building resentment about the Other's inertia or attempted sabotage.
Yes, the actions of the Others (or lack thereof) can affect you and slow down your own momentum, if you continue to need their collaboration. Let me explain. When I have needed the help of Reluctant Others, their reluctance has only become my burden when I let it. When I focus instead on what results I want to achieve and let that strong intention be known, I enlist Different Others who share my goal or at least my enthusiasm. The Reluctant Others have their transition to go through. I can be compassionate, I can listen, what I cannot do is waiver, delay or amortize the consequences.
Two strategies have helped me move closer to what I know is essential to my continued well-being. The first one is letting go and unruffling my feathers. Not always easy to do, as I tend to sometimes take life too seriously. When I do relax and laugh at myself, something in my body language, tone, words (or serene silence) lets the Other know something bigger has taken over... and he or she moves over. Just like that.
The second is to continue to feed the passion until it catches on and becomes contagious. Different Others you didn't know were there or had forgotten, are atracted to the flame and come forward with ideas about how to do 'it'. Sometimes, even the Reluctant Ones lose their reluctance and join in. Don't count on it though.
A third strategy has delivered but with harsh consequences. That strategy is to fuel your anger against the Reluctant Other to the point where this very fire propels you forward to embrace the change you were resisting all along. Yes, you were resisting the next wave and bracing against the Other.
My hope is that the first two strategies become my default for the rest of my life.
Yes, the actions of the Others (or lack thereof) can affect you and slow down your own momentum, if you continue to need their collaboration. Let me explain. When I have needed the help of Reluctant Others, their reluctance has only become my burden when I let it. When I focus instead on what results I want to achieve and let that strong intention be known, I enlist Different Others who share my goal or at least my enthusiasm. The Reluctant Others have their transition to go through. I can be compassionate, I can listen, what I cannot do is waiver, delay or amortize the consequences.
Two strategies have helped me move closer to what I know is essential to my continued well-being. The first one is letting go and unruffling my feathers. Not always easy to do, as I tend to sometimes take life too seriously. When I do relax and laugh at myself, something in my body language, tone, words (or serene silence) lets the Other know something bigger has taken over... and he or she moves over. Just like that.
The second is to continue to feed the passion until it catches on and becomes contagious. Different Others you didn't know were there or had forgotten, are atracted to the flame and come forward with ideas about how to do 'it'. Sometimes, even the Reluctant Ones lose their reluctance and join in. Don't count on it though.
A third strategy has delivered but with harsh consequences. That strategy is to fuel your anger against the Reluctant Other to the point where this very fire propels you forward to embrace the change you were resisting all along. Yes, you were resisting the next wave and bracing against the Other.
My hope is that the first two strategies become my default for the rest of my life.
Labels: change, intention, resistance, transition, well-being
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Recipe for Magic
I was speaking to my son Adrien about how I believe our thoughts create things, events, people. Seems so simple, and he has heard me say it often. This time, he asked me to repeat what I had said exactly and then record it for him. Something hit a chord. Unfortunately, I can't remember exactly what I said and how I said it, but offer this anecdote instead.
I was on planes for two days in sardine class. At the onset of the second of three flights, I force myself to approach the counter. Shall I ask to be upgraded or not? This airline has done it a few times before, never when I expected it. I am so tired, my thoughts are along the lines of begging. I am not surprised to get a smug: 'We are fully booked'.
For the next flight I don't bother asking. I sit in the three seater row, by the window, wondering why I ever thought window seats were a good idea. Memories of getting way too friendly with the two passengers on the last 13 hour flight as I fell repeatedly on their lap to travel to and from the bathroom still make me wince. I am sure, people grow more legs under their blankets while they sleep.
I find myself wondering what Ease would look like, instead of the old Struggle. This thought I keep in mind as I let go of the outcome. The flight is full. Three passengers don't make it. We get delayed unloading their luggage while everyone rolls their eyes, except me. Two of them were to sit next to yours truly. So, I get to sleep for 3 hours in foetal position. No bobbing head syndrome for me! When I get up to stretch, I come back to an occupied aisle seat. The large friendly woman occupying it was obviously eyeing it for a while. She speaks only Arabic, but we manage to exchange pleasantries. No, I am not Arab. Yes, I have been asked that question before. I tell her that I am Canadian. Her look tells me I would be in for a long explanation if we could understand each other's language. She eventually goes back to her seat and I have time to write this blog with my legs stretched out. The lap of luxury...
So Adrien, here is how thought creates reality.
I was on planes for two days in sardine class. At the onset of the second of three flights, I force myself to approach the counter. Shall I ask to be upgraded or not? This airline has done it a few times before, never when I expected it. I am so tired, my thoughts are along the lines of begging. I am not surprised to get a smug: 'We are fully booked'.
For the next flight I don't bother asking. I sit in the three seater row, by the window, wondering why I ever thought window seats were a good idea. Memories of getting way too friendly with the two passengers on the last 13 hour flight as I fell repeatedly on their lap to travel to and from the bathroom still make me wince. I am sure, people grow more legs under their blankets while they sleep.
I find myself wondering what Ease would look like, instead of the old Struggle. This thought I keep in mind as I let go of the outcome. The flight is full. Three passengers don't make it. We get delayed unloading their luggage while everyone rolls their eyes, except me. Two of them were to sit next to yours truly. So, I get to sleep for 3 hours in foetal position. No bobbing head syndrome for me! When I get up to stretch, I come back to an occupied aisle seat. The large friendly woman occupying it was obviously eyeing it for a while. She speaks only Arabic, but we manage to exchange pleasantries. No, I am not Arab. Yes, I have been asked that question before. I tell her that I am Canadian. Her look tells me I would be in for a long explanation if we could understand each other's language. She eventually goes back to her seat and I have time to write this blog with my legs stretched out. The lap of luxury...
So Adrien, here is how thought creates reality.
Labels: power of thought
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